Welcome back. Sorry about the baby. Do what you think is best with Tom.

Spiritsfire

Good Luck!

Ashley

well then he's obviously a jackass!!!!!! so get it over with an dump him. my personal advice ;)

-amber-

I'm glad you are back, even though the whole Navy thing didn't work out.

Spiritsfire

Happy Valentines Day

Spiritfire

Good for you.

So does this mean that you will be leaving all of us on MDD?

Spiritsfire

I still read, even after all this time.  Even if your blogs don't make sense, what matters is, they make sense to you.  They're YOUR thoughts at the time you're thinking them.

Just wanted to wish you a Merry Christmas and Happy New Year.

Don't worry about guys.  There's a kazillion of them out there.  No man is worth your tears, and the one that is, won't make you cry. 

Love, Big Sis

Get better soon.

Spiritsfire

Well, that's why you have MDD!  If you wouldn't have had MDD, we would never have "met".  And it doesn't matter to me that we haven't met in person, you're still like a little sister to me.  I feel like we've known each other for so long....gosh, HOW long has it been?!  It's crazy. 

I guess I'm just better at GIVING advice than taking it, LOL!  Just don't want to see you make the same mistakes I have.  Maybe it's my calling to advise you against something so you don't go through the same sh*t I have. 

Anyway, I hope things with Justin #2 work out.....but you gotta do something.  Stop calling him that, if you two start dating.  I know you use #2 as a reference to differentiate between who you're talking about, but maybe if you talk about Justin in Alabama, you could refer to him as "a**h***face" and your new beau as Justin.  Your faithful readers will know the difference. 

I'm SOOOOOOOOOOOOO proud of you for going to college.  I can't wait to hear about how you like your classes, etc.  Stick with it, some of those classes are very boring and may discourage you into not going back.  Once you get those "stupid" classes under your belt and start taking the classes that REALLY interest you, you're going to just LOVE it!  Keep me/us posted!!

Love ya!

You're probably already noticing that you're not thinking about Justin as much as the day before.  With time, that will fade away, and before long, you won't be thinking about him at all.  If you do, it'll merely be a reflection of how you DONT want or deserve to be treated.  Use Justin as a reference when picking your next boyfriend.  Think about all the hurt he's caused you.  Think about all the times you blamed yourself for the failed relationship.  And then remind yourself, it WASNT your fault for the relationship ending.  You couldn't have helped your situation.  You did what you thought was best, and it WAS the best solution for you, at the time.  There was nothing you could have done differently.  You had to look out for #1, and that, my dear, is YOU. 

Forget about Justin.  You have far bigger and better things to look forward to in life, and HE, the piece of sh*t, is not one of them.

I love you...be strong!!!  You're going to be just fine. 

I'm very glad you said "Most guys". As one of the few good guys out there I get discouraged when I get blamed for someone else’s failing.

Take care.

Spiritsfire

Haha, I love that comment from KathyAnn. 

Wow, sounds like he really did it now.  And I suppose you won't be going to Alabama, lol.  That's Ok though... it's time to shut that chapter in your life.  Good for you for realizing that...

You definitely got a couple things right.......you ARE going to be fine, you WILL make something of yourself, and you DONT need his sorry ass bringing you down.

Men suck.    <3 you.

Good for you.
But did you  happen to say this, in person?
x|3

I still read ur diary, even though no1 reads mine anymore. Ahh, it dont matter really there's nowt important on their anyway. I know exactly how you feel over this lad, I was with someone for nearly 3 years and then we split up just because he changed his mind, the bastard. You will get over him so just keep your chin up and move along to ur next victim. I no ur sat there saying to urself u can't but u can, just try it and u'll feel much better as it will help u to get over him.

Luv u loads,

Cabbagepatchdoll x

just fyi, i still read each and every entry you make.  i'm still here no matter what.  and i am not sick of hearing about your heartache.  i know how you feel, you are not alone in this world, and jess you are NOT pathetic.  you're heartbroken, you're human... these feelings are completely normal.  i wish i could take all the hurt away from you, but i know you dont want that from ME, you want that from him.  it sounds like to me, you really love him.  so here's what i think you should do.  and i'm surprised i'm even saying this........

if you love him enough, you will figure out a way to go be with him. 

if he's the one, take that trip.  never turn back.

can totally understand how u feel!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Terri xxxx

I'm glad things are lookin' up for you.  And I'm glad that you are seeing the positive side of things, for a change.  Maybe having Justin out of the picture is what you need in order to get your life back on track.  Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying I'm glad he's out of your life, but it just seems that the distance between you two is only getting in the way of you BOTH getting on with life.  If you're meant to be together, it'll happen.  But you still need to get your stuff straightenened out too.  Don't forget you've got a goal to get your CNA, and I know you can do it.  You're definitely smart enough, so don't let anyone tell you otherwise or get in your way. 

ONLY *YOU* CONTROL YOUR OWN DESTINY!  Remember that....

Love you.  Big Sis <3

---}---{@

Pray. That's all any of us can do.

Spiritsfire

PS I have a second diary that contains stories that I have written.

If you like to read check it out.

It's called carltonstud

Spiritsfire

You must not be that big of an idiot. You wrote the entry and I see no spelling errors. All letters are capitalized that should be. You used the right punctuation.

I give it an A+

Spiritsfire

It sounds like you're having a rough time. It's a good thing that there are people praying for you. I couldn't imagine where my life would be if no on was praying for me.

How often do you read your Bible? If possible you should try to read it at least once a day. I would recommend the book of John to start out with.

Spiritsfire

ITS ALWAYS GOOD TO HEAR ABOUT PEOPLE DOING WELL...

HAVE FUN AT WORK TOMORROW...

~jENNEY~

just fyi, i still read your diary, but i never get notifications of updates anymore, idk why...but i still read you every time i get on MDD. 

i think you should just give justin some time to think.  it's a huge decision for him to make about moving out of state, as young as you both are.  you have a TON of time in the world to get married.  that should be the LAST thing you should be thinking about.

jess, you need to work on YOU, first and foremost.  be true to who you are.  only YOU can decide whether or not you should talk to your dad.  your mom should have no say.  don't be concerned that you're going to hurt her feelings if you talk to him.  he's YOUR dad, and if YOU want to talk to him, you should do so, without feeling pressure from her.  it's not like you're trying to go back living with him.  she should have no worries about that.  it's truly YOUR business, not hers.  when you're ready, you will contact him.  but remember, he's a big boy, he can take care of himself.  and you should not feel pressured to contact him just so he'll get off his ass and do something.  there's apparently OTHER stuff going on with him than just you.  it's not your fault for what happened down there.  don't even think that for a second, ok?

take care of you girly girl...i love you, you know that.  and you know you can email me..you know my xanga, my myspace (even tho SOMEONE told you to take yours down, which i think is TOTAL bullsh*t!!!), and my email addresses. 

be true to yourself, jess.  you're the only one you've got.

hey you don't know me but i just read that and it sounds like your in a crappy situation... well i would hmm this is tough but i would have to say that i would call him as much as i hate to say it...and no i don't know all the details but it just sounds like he just doesn't really have anybody to love he might have been crappy when you lived with him but hey maby he was trieing to make an effort...and i am sure that it hurt him that you moved i think 100% that you made the rightdesicion to live with your mom tho...but just try to think you are your dad and he probrably feels he like totally let down his family

but i think that you should call him and just explain how you feel about all of this and he will probrably understand if you just like give the biggest apology of your life and even if he is a jerk back then just don't be jerky back cause sooner of later he is going to feel very bad that you gave him agood apology and he was a jerk so later he will feel bad and call you up... or he could (while you were on the phone) give you an apology too

you just don't really know with people like that

i hope that i answered your question

<a friend>

I would love to diet together.  How you wanna do this?  I'm excited!!

Dazed

Ya know what?? This sounds so much like me it isnt even funny!! A lot is different but a lot isnt.  Never once did my dad pay child support. Its insane. My mom and us would have been eating beans and rice and he would be eating steak and wouldnt even offer type of deal..He lied allll the time! It crazy how bad Dads can be....

I say do you baby girl. If he hurts you to bad, then dont deal with him....Its about you now, not him..

.

Hugs!

I want to start off by thanking you for commenting. I would suggest that you read some of my other entries. 90% of my diary is trying to teach others about God. This girl that I was talking about has bittered herself against other Christians that now there is no one who can help her. If she would just allow other Christians into her life she could maybe get help.

But I encourage you to read more of my entries. It might help you understand God more.

Spiritsfire

hey there...I just wanted to comment you back since you commented my diary.

and yes, you're right. love= the absolute best feeling ever.

hey,

I guess you could atleast call him and tell him your alright,i have a dad who put me through alot when my mom left to tinian and left me with my dad..and we would also live in a crappy house and we would always have to eat at someone elses hous which is soo f***ed up!! but you know i live with my sisters now in a big home and a nice life.and i still call my dad now and then..i still hate him but i still call him..my mom says that i should just call him just to tell him that im alright..but whenever i do i just always feel like hanging up and i get all mad..so i would call him i guess..idk its your call..

love,

meeh

Happy Easter,

A cool, interesting site.... check it out.

www.realage.com

I'm glad you decided to come back and see things through with your Mom.  And I'm glad you and Justin are taking things one day at a time, you're right, he can come visit you anytime, and by him waiting til he graduates, that's a very smart decision!  Good going, girl!  Congrats on the new job.  It'll give you something to look forward to every day.  Hey, send me a Hawaiian Blizzard, I love those things, LOL!  I love you too, and I'm glad you're back home and things are going alright for you.  Write me anytime you want.

Hugs, Big Sis!

If you leave, SWEAR to me you'll keep posting entries so I know you're alive and doing OK.  I lost you after the hurricane and it was MONTHS before I heard anything from you.... I want what's best for you, even if it means you get away from your Mom.  You need a HEALTHY environment.  An environment where people love you and don't want you cutting yourself.  You need to get better Jess....you KNOW this isn't like you.  You are a happy-go-lucky girl who has the biggest heart in the world.  You can be that way again, girl.  Whatever you do, wherever you go...I will ALWAYS be here for you.  ALWAYS.  FOREVER.  CALL ME if you need someone to talk to.  I <3 you.... You're my lil sis!!!

PROMISE TO STAY IN TOUCH!!!! 

Big Sis

heya,

Im so glad to hear that your feeling a bit better today, Im also glad to hear that your are going to try and stop self-harming. it seems to be your self-confidence has had a bit of a battering over the years what with your dad and all so i think feeling more confident and happy about YOURSELF will help because it will seep into your life too. So i just want to say that from thses entries you sound like a troubled but caring, nice, beautiful person.

Ive never self-harmed myself so you may not want me as support but i think i am non-judgmental and helpful so i feel i dont always need personal experience in things to help others.

Keep writing entries and you know where my diary is if you need me!

TickledPink
xx

hi, hope ur doing ok.. :)
i cut a couple of times as well but after a while i told myself to stop.. cuz the last time was pretty deep (in  my underarm..) and it's like 4 months ago and u can still see the scars.. just say u got scratched by a cat or something.. (but they already knew u cut right..?)
well.. see ya around

xJ

Hi Chick,

            i've been through this and I know it's hard. I know you don't want to upset your boyfriend  by telling him everything becasue it upsets him. My e-mail address and MSN address is vikki_greenhalgh@hotmail.com if you want someone to talk to who has been through this. I've cut myself since I was 9 and now I'm nearly 18. www.recoveryourlife.com can help with self-harm aswell, but you really should go and see someone. I don't think you're crazy and I know how judgemental people can be and if you don't want to go and seek help you don't have to because I could never do it and I've been cut free now since the 22nd. I know it's not long but it's a breakthrough for me. Once over I had to cut every few hours. (I used to take a razor blade to school so I could do it at dinner.) Please add me or e-mail me because I would love to help you.

Take Care,

Vik x 

Well i dont think that the phsyciatrist will think your crazy, what your going through wont be anything that they havent seen before. I think your depressed and its a shame you dont have a support network around you to help you get thorugh this difficult time in your life.
 I think its progress just to say what you did in the last paragraph when you said that you will be ok and that you want to live....thats important.

Just concentrate on justin and the future you guys have together, and focus on geting a job until your session with the phsyciatrist....i urge you to stop cutting, it may feel like a way of control but in the long run it wont help. Take control of your life another way, not but cutting yourself.

If you want ay help or advice im here on MDD

All the best

TickledPink
x